took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize