I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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