we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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