I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
