Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
