I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
