Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
