fuck your aforementioned shoe
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
