Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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