dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize