Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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