I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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