I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
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