i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
