is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
