so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
