I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
True strength comes from lack of pants
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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