My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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