Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize