can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
