There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
