well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
