You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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