When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize