Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
look no pants
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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