I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
