Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
