The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
