a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
