There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
