Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
