your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
