It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
