I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
