I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
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