he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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