Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
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