She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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