normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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