This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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