So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
