After last night, I could never be a politician.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
