So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize