I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
