Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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