Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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