remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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