was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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