Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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