Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize