I think i sorta joined a cult last night
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
