Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
