Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Less talking, more tequila
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
