her vagine was all disorganized.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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