I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Randomize
