Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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