she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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