im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
