when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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