I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
we're making bets on your personal life
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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