How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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