Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize