If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
