my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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