I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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