its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
