yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
