shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You're a waste of cheezeits
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
