the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
you made out with another girl for some wings
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
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