i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize