Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
