these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
