I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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