good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
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