Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
