he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Randomize
