We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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