bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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