weddingsv make me drug and hornr
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
