I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
