dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Randomize
