I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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