I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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