I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
