That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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