He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
