so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
