The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
