I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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