kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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