Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
