bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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